When I was younger (and when I say younger, I have to admit that I’m still convinced I’m “younger”) I used to think it would be really cool to discover that I have hidden talents. Almost like being a secret agent. More specifically, I would have loved to discover that I was Jason Bourne.
When you think about the Bourne movies and the fact that Jason Bourne can’t remember who he is, what makes him unique or what his character flaws or attributes are, it’s pretty scary. But then his muscles, his body, the synapses in his brain remember how to move, how to defend and how to disarm. Him discovering that he has skills that he is unable to recall until it is absolutely needed, must be amazing, but also alarming at the same time. How did he come by these skills? How did he get trained? Who is he? What is he?
Apart from the obvious setbacks of course I’d love to be able to discover some hidden awesomeness about myself that makes me the best there is in a particular field. I wouldn’t want to lose my memory or my sense of self though. Funnily enough, I think I may have stumbled across something that I didn’t know I had in me until the moment presented itself.
A few weeks ago my character and integrity was attacked out of the blue and I was accused of things that simply weren’t true. Now normally (as I believe most people would react) I would rant and rave about how unfair it is that another person could think that they have the right to judge me when they haven’t made the time to even get to know me. Bear in mind that this person has never been in my immediate world, which means they have never seen how I conduct myself. I’m sure you will agree that I would have been justified in displaying a temper flare-up.
The weird thing was though, I didn’t react negatively.I didn’t go off at anybody within ear-shot about how unfair this judgment was and I didn’t get offended or blame that person for saying those things. In that second, that moment, my anger didn’t dictate my actions; I didn’t even feel any anger. I was simply able to take a tiny step back and see it for what it was: not a true reflection of me.
Thinking back now, I’d love to say that I exhibited my inner Wolverine in that moment. Wolverine probably had no idea that first day that he would be able to control his anger even a little bit. When the scientists first experimented on him he must have been in extreme and excruciating pain and that pain grew into anger. To such an extent that he became a recluse, because he had no control over his anger and what it could make him do. But life placed him in situations, in moments, that slowly but surely taught him to be in control of his emotions, which in turn kept him from hurting innocents.
I think that is what happens to all of us. We don’t become Superheroes overnight; and even the most composed person on earth still has to make a conscious decision to not get angry. I believe that growth is the answer; and not just growth, but the choice to grow through your circumstances, through your negative moments and through uncontrollable outside influence.
We have all been “trained” like Jason Bourne, whether we remember the moments or not, so that when we are placed in a situation that requires a particular skill set, we are ready. Once you choose to grow and learn, you will eventually turn into someone that is able to distribute amazing maturity and contentment, no matter what is thrown your way.
No, I’m not saying that we will turn into emotionless, tactless, uniform robots. We will be better versions of ourselves, and essentially that is where I want to be: A better version of myself.
