Since I attended the Hillsong Colour Conference earlier this year – and I’m confident I’m not alone here – I have been listening to the song “Pieces” by Amanda Cook a lot. It came on today while I was driving; I was thinking about the things I needed to do and wasn’t actively listening. Suddenly I seemed to tune in and felt my eyes well up. I’ve listened to this song repeatedly lately, why now all of a sudden? Was I only giving pieces of myself? That didn’t sit right, so I started the song over. I think I played it four or five times before my heart felt content, that I had found what it was I needed to sit and think about when I got home.
It was this part of the bridge:
“Your love’s not fractured
It’s not a troubled mind
It isn’t anxious, it’s not the restless kind
Your love’s not passive
It’s never disengaged
It’s always present
It hangs on every word we say“
Your love’s not fractured
Have you ever felt as though you’re fractured? That there are cracks in you waiting to break. I like to think of this as God performing kintsugi. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, making the object even more beautiful. God’s love for us isn’t fractured, and when we’re feeling fractured and about to break, He’s preparing to fill us and make us more beautiful.
It isn’t anxious
I know a thing or two about anxiety. Two years ago I was diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder. I barely left my flat; grocery shopping was stressful enough to cause a panic attack. I started on meds for the anxiety, but it wasn’t until I gave in and fully surrendered it to God that I really started to get better. Occasionally I still have moments of panic, but I take a deep breath and I pray and I give it to God and I feel better. I take on more all the time, with His help.
It’s not the restless kind
Sometimes everything is going well; you’ve got everything you need, you’re abundantly blessed, but you’re still waiting for God to use you and you feel….restless. You’d think you would feel restless when things aren’t going your way, however I think it’s occasionally contentment that fosters restlessness. I don’t think God wants us content. He wants us on fire. On fire for Him, His Kingdom, and down on our knees constantly seeking that passionate fire to do His will. As the song says, “…While I’m waiting, I’m not waiting…” – don’t wait contentedly, wait passionately.
Your love’s not passive
I tend to think of passive as inactive, which isn’t entirely incorrect but when I looked up the definition it gave me a whole different perspective:
1. adjective
If you describe someone as passive, you mean that they do not take action but instead let things happen to them.
2. adjective
A passive activity involves watching, looking at, or listening to things rather than doing things.
Wow. I could write an entirely new post now on how God’s love isn’t passive. Are we passive though? In love, in relationships, in our time with God? Or are we active and intentional in all we do; in friendship, in daily tasks, in talking to God? Active isn’t a word I’d use to describe myself, “nap-loving” would be more accurate, but I’d rather be active than passive.
It’s never disengaged
When we’re going about our daily lives, going to work, serving at church and balancing friends and loved ones, it’s easy to fall into routine or pattern. Routine is usually a good thing, but when something becomes routine we tend to disengage. Grow detached. We can find ourselves watching our lives go past instead of actively engaging in each and every moment.
It’s always present
This is kind of a lead-on from being disengaged. When we’re disengaged we aren’t present. We aren’t always there. If we aren’t present, we can miss out on an opportunity to hear from God, or to minister to someone, or to lead someone to God. We could miss out on encouragement from God when we most need it or the chance to encourage others for God.
It hangs on every word you say
This is a tough one for me. As someone with a short attention span, I have to actively make sure that I listen; to God, to His Word, in church, in relationships. You can’t sit back and say, “Okay God speak to me” and expect amazing revelation. You have to lean in, focus yourself and say, “God I am ready and willing to listen to you”.
When I sit and contemplate the bridge, I think that this part of the song stuck out for me because these are all things I find myself feeling from time to time: fractured, anxious, restless, passive, disengaged, not always present or listening. And that’s okay. Our “pieces” aren’t God’s “pieces”. God isn’t any of those things. His love isn’t any of those things. When we have our moments of being any one of those, God’s love and Grace has us covered. When we feel that way, all we have to do is turn to God and give it to Him, and He will renew us.