Becoming a parent is a blessing and a joy. Becoming a parent can also feel like an uphill struggle that saps every ounce of your energy. There are times when you can truly forget who you were before you became “Mom” or “Dad” because the majority of your focus has shifted onto the little life that you are now responsible for.
That is how it should be! Being a parent is a full time job and hugely important. The problem is that there are other things that are also important and those things can sometimes get neglected once parenthood comes to town.
Who’s No. 1?
Great relationships don’t just happen. Strong, healthy marriages require effort and intentional focus in order to be all that they can be. Neglect in any relationship is a recipe for disaster, but especially the relationship between you and your partner. In many families the needs of the children are always the first priority. Sadly, this can be counter productive if it comes at the expense of their parents’ marriage.
The greatest gift a parent can give to their child is a happy, healthy marriage. When mom and dad are working well as a team and are loving each other as they should, the home is a happier place. When their parents are in harmony, children feel safer and more secure. If the needs of the parents are consistently left unmet, it can be easy for one or both parents to feel neglected. Constant battles and resentment between you and your spouse create a less than ideal environment for your children. By prioritising your marriage and your spouse, you are creating a win/win for them, for you, and for your children.
Before and after
Your pre-parenting days may seem like a lifetime ago but it’s important to remember that before children joined the picture, you and your spouse chose to spend your lives with each other. In the beginning you were two people who fell in love. That’s why you created a home and a family in the first place. It’s important not to lose sight of why you started out on this journey. It’s equally important to remember that after your children are grown and have left to build lives of their own, you and your spouse will remain. Your marriage is the constant that should continue beyond the “raising kids” phase of your life together. Spending time valuing each other and strengthening your marriage will only benefit you in the long run.
Have a game plan
Great marriages are one of the things that make life wonderful but you have to make a great marriage. There’s no substitute for quality time and connection when it comes to growing a relationship that will last. Having a plan and working towards a goal may seem to suck all the romance and spontaneity out of the process, but when your focus is split between being a parent and being a spouse, having a plan that helps you keep things balanced can be a game changer. Many people commit to regular date nights but this isn’t the only way to ensure that you give uninterrupted consideration to your spouse and your relationship. Finding what works and bring the two of you closer together is worth the time and effort because in the long run you will be better off and so will your children.
Unbreakable
Marriage was God’s idea. He created it when he made Eve for Adam. The Bible tells us that…
“…a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
When we place God at the centre of our family and allow him place within our relationship he can provide us with the wisdom and love needed to build a strong and lasting marriage.