I am very passionate about what I do work wise! I pride myself in knowing that I am someone who is reliable, diligent, hardworking, and very passionate about giving my best at work. Knowing these things makes me feel confident in what I do. Then after receiving a bad comment about my work ethic, it caused me to doubt myself, and lose confidence in who I was. Sounds strange doesn’t it, to lose my confidence over a small comment, but it did!
I received an email with concerns from a client that were based on miscommunication. I felt absolutely gutted when I read the email. I decided to phone the client back instead of replying to the email, so that I could clear the air properly. The conversation went really well, and the client then understood that it was indeed miscommunication. But after that phone call, I still didn’t feel right. It sat with me the whole entire day. I felt hurt that someone would attack my character based on miscommunication. I started doubting who I was and what I was doing within my working frame.
Have you ever felt like that? Hurt by someone’s comments, especially when they are not true? Has someone ever attacked your character or work ethics to a point that it negatively impacted the way you do your work? If so, how did you respond?
HOW DOES ONE RESPOND TO VERBAL ATTACK?
TAKE A MOMENT
If someone has sent a negative email to you, try not to respond right away. As you may respond out of emotion instead of responding with logical reasoning. Wait awhile to let your thoughts settle a bit, so that you can respond calmly and clearly.
ASK YOURSELF
Ask yourself, if what they are saying is constructive feedback and maybe something you should make note of and be aware of. Constructive feedback should always encourage us to do a better job.
If the person is saying hurtful things to bring a point across, or to demean your character make note of that. Sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment without thinking clearly, or maybe they are having a bad day and want to attack and take it out on the next person they encounter.
CONFRONT
We have three options when it comes to confronting a person:
1 ) We can respond with retaliation , and attack them back with guns blazing because we feel entitled! However, saying hurtful things may make us feel good in the moment, but it won’t make things better and it most certainly won’t make it right.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29
OR
2) We can ignore them completely, and let the unresolved issue fester in our hearts until it breeds resentment and anger. Then the next time we see that person we may just punch them. Which is not an option by the way, this isn’t Fight Club!
OR
3 ) We can respond lovingly. This isn’t the easier option, but it is the wisest and the most rewarding option. After you have taken a moment to let your emotions settle, you will start to think more calmly and with more clarity. I never recommend having confrontations over text messages or over emails, as it allows for a lot of unnecessary assumptions to unfold. Someone’s bizarre “emoticon” text reply could be interpreted in a million different forms.
Ask the person if they would be willing to chat face to face, or over the phone so that you can hear their vocal tone and they can hear yours. If this person does not want to resolve the issue with you, and they continue to behave poorly, then I suggest that you take it up with management or with H.R. So that they can help facilitate a much needed conversation.
KNOW
It occurred to me when having to deal with this situation, that I had based my confidence in what I was doing instead of in knowing and basing my confidence in who I was. I let the negative comments completely steal from my day and cause me to doubt myself. I let the thoughts based on another person’s assumptions make me forget who I was and what I was gifted and called to do.
God is the one who has gifted us all with specific giftings and talents. Whatever he has placed in our hands, should be administered with wisdom, care and with excellence. We don’t merely work to please others, but we work to please God. We answer to Him at the end of the day.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
Colossians 3:23
Never let a negative comment throw you off course or steal from your confidence. Whatever negative comments were spoken over you, remember they do not define you. Know your self-worth, and value by getting to know God and by understanding His purpose for your life. If you would like to know more on how to go about doing this, may I encourage you to click on the link below.