Unlike physical abuse which is violent outbursts, emotional abuse is rather elusive, and lingers on. Sometimes, both parties may not even be aware of it being a problem within their relationship. Emotional abuse involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and dominate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with.
This may seem obvious to some, but for those in abusive relationships do not always see that this is a problem. Because they have been conditioned over time to believe that it is the norm and their reality.
Signs of emotional abuse
- They constantly humiliate you in front of others.
- They constantly disregard or disrespect your opinions or ideas.
- They refer to you as being overly sensitive as a means of down playing their abusive behaviour.
- They try to control or treat you like a child.
- They use sarcasm or say things to make you feel bad about yourself.
- You constantly feel like you need their permission to go out or to make decisions, incase they don’t approve.
- They accuse you or blame you for things that aren’t true.
- They completely cross and disrespect your boundaries.
- They make excuses for their poor behaviour and try to shift the blame elsewhere.
- They emotionally manipulate you.
- As a means of punishing you they will neglect or ignore you to make you feel bad.
- They make subtle threats as a means of controlling you.
When a broken mess becomes a masterpiece
Many years ago, before I met my husband, I was with someone who was emotionally abusive. A part of me felt like it was wrong, but my heart and my mind left me feel trapped and helpless in that relationship. That partner made me believe that I was deserving of poor treatment, and that I was lucky to be with them. He constantly broke my character down, called me names, humiliated me, was possessive, and made me feel constantly guilty about who I was.
He wanted complete control over me, so much so that I feared him, and did just about anything to keep him happy, purely because I feared his explosive reactions, and emotional neglect. It was so unhealthy, and I felt so helpless, as I had no clue how to cut those emotional ties with him. My family ended up intervening, and I ended up seeing a psychologist to help with the healing process. It took many years to heal emotionally. I had to forgive my abuser, forgive myself, and I had to unlearn all of those negative ways of thinking and feeling. It took many years, loads of support from family and friends, and my spiritual journey with God helped to empower and strengthen me.
My relationship with God showed me that I was worthy of respect, unconditional love, and that I was created in His perfect beautiful image. Therefore, I am God’s masterpiece, and all works of art should be treated with worth and value. God restored my broken heart, and replaced it with a heart that is soft and that still chooses to trust and to love my husband, regardless of my past.
If God can do it for me, He can do it for you! Do not settle for any poor treatment, if the relationship is unhealthy, and all it does is break you down – then cut all ties with that person immediately. You are deserving of unconditional love!