41 percent of first marriages end in divorce. 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce – according to a report by Mckinley Irvan. This is a frightening, frightening statistic which leaves all of us who are, or one day hope to be married on red alert. Divorce is not only a horrifying thing to go through but also a horrifying thing for the children and the families associated with the couple to have to work through.
One of the problems is that we don’t take the commitment part of a relationship seriously. The decision to marry (and whom we choose to marry) is the most important decisions a person can make, apart from saying “yes” to the grace of God working in our lives.
Sliding into a marriage because it feels like the right “next step” is never a good idea and can often lead to problems on the other side of “I do.” A genuine and thought out commitment can not be replaced with an “oh, I guess we should do this” mindset.
Things which we get wrong in marriage
Focusing on what you are getting rather than what you can give
A marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. You are learning to put aside what you want and desire, and instead selecting to do what is best for both of you. This means your partner is not there to make you happy, meet all your needs, and solve all your problems. Your partner is there for you to love and cherish.
Losing respect for the other person
It often becomes very easy when you are fighting or dealing with hard issues to lose respect for the other person in a marriage. No matter what the issue is, who is right or wrong, or what has happened, it is never ok to lose respect for your partner. You should always treat your partner as the best version of themselves.
Basing your love for someone on their behaviour
Your love for your partner needs to be based on who they are, not what they do. Your partner will mess up. They will do unkind and thoughtless things. They will not always respond how you wish they would. You can’t tell them you love them so that they will do things for you. You can’t decide you don’t love them because their appearance or anything else changes.
Unhealthy expectations
Marriage isn’t a fairy tale and most people struggle with a few glitchy patches regardless of what circumstances they got married in. We somehow paint marriage with an overly romantic brush and then when we hit (the completely normal) challenges we think we did something wrong or it’s time to back out. Marriage is messy and it’s a long process of working through things with another person. It’s rewarding, but that doesn’t make it easy.
Dealing with conflict in a kind way
Conflict is not most people’s favourite thing. Most of us are not good at conflict and we avoid it. However, conflict is an important part of a marriage. Learning to disagree well is a vital relationship skill. How you discuss the hard things in life will either bring you closer or tear you further from each other. Try to see conflict as a way to learn about your other half instead of a way for you to get your say in the problem.
Maybe as a couple, you need to start redefining what are the priorities in your relationship and put in the time to grow spiritually and make sure God is a part of your marriage.
If you are fearful about your future, your marriage, and your weakness in relationships, today is a great day to turn again to the mercy of God and the riches of His grace. There is no relationship He can not assist in fixing and no problem too big for His grace.