Never has there been a generation like ours – that is more obsessed with “why” we live. There is an inherent attitude between those considered millennials – a mutual understanding that we want to find purpose – a specific meaning that we can tie to our lives.
As noble and truly aspirational this is, there is something else that comes with that. There is an urgency to define yourself. Gone are the days of conformity, where everyone had to wear the same brands and do the same things.
Being unique is now the new normal. It’s the ultimate for us as young people –to have our own voice. Our own thoughts, our own style, and our own opinions.
But when there is so much pressure to be yourself, what do you do when you don’t know who you are?
I can tell you now, as a 24 year-old, there are aspects of myself that I am still freaked out about. In my short lifespan, I have not been able to experience every situation possible. And situations are what reveal what you are really made of. So in a world where there is value placed on knowing your “labels”– whether it is your personality type, your skillset, your life experiences or your identity – I want to highlight the dangers of defining who you are too quickly.
You see, if you decide that you are “this kind of person”, there is no longer an avenue for development. Anyone who may want to help you – to encourage you to grow – will all of a sudden have no way to get through to you. If they address a behaviour or mindset that might not be healthy for you, you then react out of offence. Defining yourself by ways of actions, desires or what you have experienced immediately makes you defensive. If any wise person were to come along and want to help you – you would take their words as an attack on yourself, not simply guidance regarding your present state.
Self-defining is also like asking a sapling what kind of fruit it will produce. Personally, if I had to tell you who I was seven years ago, I wouldn’t have got half of it right. I had no idea what fruit lay dormant within me. Defining yourself too soon will only result in opportunities missed. For a long time, I defined myself as “a musician”. Today, music is simply a skill in a whole arsenal of different abilities that enable me to communicate effectively. I would have classified myself as an extreme introvert at one point in my life. Today I thrive on working with people and seeing them find where they thrive.
The danger of defining yourself can also be in listening to others’ opinions. If I had allowed others to define who I am early on, I would have the labels “coward”, “gay”, and “boring” on my life to this day. The thing is that other people cannot know what lies within you – unless God tells them, and even then you should test it. Other people will try to classify you so that they can be comfortable. But what they see is a work in progress. Don’t let anyone else’s opinion stunt your growth. You may be placed in a “box” by people so that their worlds make sense, but if you commit to keep growing, their box will break as you grow stronger.
So am I saying that we should not chase after our purpose? No. Am I insinuating that trying to find out who you are is harmful? No. I simply want to make sure you know that you’re still very much in a process. Where defining your style, sexuality, identity or social preferences may make you feel safe, it also forces you to limit how you can grow and develop.
There is only one opinion I trust 100% when it comes to who I am – and that is God’s. He knew me before I knew myself. He made me with intention. And so if there is any desire for affirmation, I turn straight to His opinion first. When Jesus died for you on the cross, he died so that you could be who you were created to be. God sees all of who we are at once. He knows all the unseen factors that have resulted in our present existence. But He also sees us whole and fully developed and will always encourage us to grow towards that.
If you want to truly know who you are, let God define you. Let His Word shape you and direct your opinions about yourself. He is alive and ready to work with you.
Click on the link below to find out who He is.