Before I start this story, let me tell you this: I am naturally a gentle and sensitive person. I get disturbed by horror films, I don’t like it when people speak loudly, or use harsh words. I cry, if you cry. I empathise with everyone around me and my heart dwells in details. Most of my life I have spent trying to “toughen up.”
I remember having an argument with a friend, which led me to write this article. I defended myself, telling her “God likes a gentle spirit.” She responded saying “gentle people get trodden on and get nowhere in life” (she had a point). I paused. Although there was truth in what she said, something about it still didn’t feel right to me. “No,” I said. “What matters isn’t how much we get done; it’s the people you care for and help on the journey. Being soft is important too.”
“Well, you won’t help anyone if you kick it at the first challenge because you’re so soft.”
We didn’t come to a conclusion, which has led to me thinking about the idea for longer. What then is the answer? There are kids in the playground who get beaten up because they can’t stand up for themselves. People who succeed at work are rarely “gentle.” I thought about the people around me who I considered role models – what did this look like in their lives? Were they gentle or were they tough?
After a while I did the smart thing and turned to the person of Jesus Christ – what did the Bible say?
“A meek spirit is in the sight of God of great price.” (1 Peter 3:4) – looks like God likes a gentle spirit. But equally we also see Jesus crashing into a temple, and pulling down tables in anger. (John 2:14-16).
So how do we navigate the balance between the two? We have to be both gentle and tough.
I heard someone once say, “keep a soft heart, and a tough spirit.” I liked that explanation – it answered my question from the argument.
In our hearts we need to nurture a loving tenderness. We shouldn’t harden our hearts even if at times it does feel justified. We should love on another; we should care for children and help those who are elderly and alone. We should see people around us as brothers and sisters.
At the same time, we need to have a tough spirit if we wish to live out our lives well and make a difference. Your spirit is the thing inside you, which makes you unique. Your spirit needs to be strong when the time calls for it. It needs to stand up against darkness and evil. Your spirit needs to have the strength to persevere when times get hard.
I had my answer: “Keep a soft heart, and a tough spirit.”
The people that I see do this successfully are Christian. It’s difficult to be loving and strong without the transforming power of Jesus in your heart.
I don’t know who you are, or what you think of God but I will tell you this: “as many as received Him, to them He gave the power to become the sons of God” (the Bible tells us this in John 1:12). When you give your life to Jesus something inside you changes – you gain an inner power. Your spirit changes from weak to strong and your heart grows soft and caring. I can be both these things because I have the spirit of God inside me.
In the end both my friend and I were right in our own ways. The answer wasn’t one, or the other, but both, with the help of Christ.