Perhaps you’ve experienced loss before and now you’re finding yourself thinking of someone in your life that has recently suffered loss, and who might be depressed. I encourage you to reach out. It’s hard to know how to be there for someone going through tragedy. Every person is different and every loss is not experienced the same, yet there are few ways you can be present in their pain:
Be Available Without Added Pressure
Some of the most comforting people in my life lately have been the ones who are quick to say, “I’m here for you when you need me. But if you need to be alone, that is OK, too.” They have been the ones who are only a phone call away, but who have given me the permission to grieve in the ways that I have needed to grieve. They are the ones who have made their care for me known, who have offered companionship, but who haven’t taken it personally if I’ve needed some space. They are the ones who have shown up at our house with flowers, but said, “I won’t stay long. I’m just here if you need me.” Or have texted or emailed to say, “My phone is with me, call if you need.”
Everyone mourns differently, and being given the space to mourn on my own timeline has made all of the difference.
Ask, Don’t Tell
Sharing our stories is so important, and the story of someone’s loss is no different. That story, too, needs to be shared. It needs to be shared so that it is not carried alone.
There is so much healing to be found in telling your story. So, ask. Ask to hear the story of a friend who is going through loss. Ask how they are doing, how they are getting along.
It is tempting to offer up cliche comforts when we don’t know what to say. It is tempting to try and explain. And while yes, it is important to be reminded that God is in control, that it will all be OK, fight the urge to tell them how to heal.
Just ask to hear their story, and then make space for sharing. Create a space for the pain, for the mess, for the heartache. And trust that in that, you are creating space for healing.
Say Something, Even if You Don’t Know What
Not saying anything at all can be more hurtful than saying the wrong thing. One of the most honest and life-giving things someone has said to me recently was, “I’m not sure what to say, but please know that I hate that you are having to go through this.”
Through this entire experience, the support we have gotten from our family and friends has been invaluable. Our community has been so faithful to walk through this with us. They have covered us in love and in prayer, and made sure that we know we are not carrying this alone. They have cried and grieved for us. They have dropped by our house, invited us over for meals. They have called, texted or emailed every day. They have reminded us of God’s love time and time again; reminding us that we are not alone, and we are not forgotten.
So even when you don’t know what to say, do say something. Because in acknowledging the pain, you are offering to carry even a little of it. And for a grieving friend, that is one of the most healing and sacred things you give.
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Credit:// Edited Relevant Magazine