You’ve probably heard of or have had an experience working, studying or being in a relationship with a toxic person. Many times, we deal with people who portray behaviors we don’t really understand but thinking of them as “toxic” is the last thing we do.
Recently, after being exposed to a person whose behavior has repeatedly been frustrating and emotionally and mentally draining, I came to discover that there are people in this world with behavioral patterns that are toxic to others.
So what’s a toxic person really?
It’s not that the whole person is toxic. Rather, their behavior is toxic or your relationship with the person is toxic, said Jodie Gale, MA, a psychotherapist and life coach in Sydney, Australia.
“Often the person is deeply wounded and for whatever reason, they are not yet able to take responsibility for their wounding, their feelings, their needs and their subsequent problems in life.”
They may over-identify and act out the parts of who they are, such as the victim, bully, perfectionist or martyr, she said. “They act from these parts trying to get their needs met, albeit in an extremely unhealthy way.”
It’s common for people with toxic behavior to: create drama in their lives or be surrounded by it; try to manipulate or control others; be needy (“it is all about them all the time”); use others to meet their needs (such as “narcissistic parents”); be extremely critical of themselves and others; be jealous and envious of others, bemoaning their bad fortune and others’ good fortune; abuse substances or harm themselves in other ways, and be unwilling (or unable) to seek help from loved ones, a therapist or a recovery program.
The toxic person and the person interacting with them both play a role in toxic interactions. So it’s important to consider your personal role as well.
Signs you’re surrounded by a toxic person
- You’re emotionally affected by their drama
- You dread (or fear) being around them
- You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction
- You feel bad or ashamed about yourself
- You’re stuck in a cycle of trying to rescue, fix or care for them.
- When you’re with them, you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells”
- You emotionally “check out”
- You feel like you’re being controlled, or you’re being overly controlling.
How do you deal with a toxic person?
1. Establish Boundaries
There is a fine line between being friendly and allowing somebody to lead you down a path that jeopardizes your ability to remain effective. Successful people understand this and do not allow the toxic among them to take charge, but rather choose to set effective boundaries.
2. Rise Above
How much do the words of those around you affect your state of mind? Ensure that the negative remarks of others do not affect your strong sense of accomplishment. Toxic people like to break you down with rude, hurtful comments, and gain satisfaction from watching you fall apart.
Learn to react less to the opinions of others, especially those you know do not have your well-being at heart.
3. Stay Aware Of Your Emotions
Self-awareness is important, because it involves knowing what it takes to push your buttons in order to prevent it from happening. Lack of emotional control is a great way to empower the toxic people in your life.
“If the person’s toxic behavior doesn’t change, or the relationship is just too toxic for you, send them forward in life with love and compassion, and then move forward with your life.”Jodie Gale
If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationships, or feel drained by people who have had a toxic influence in your life and you would like to start your life afresh, click on the pop-up banner below.
Additional content: inc.com, psychcentral.com