Last year in December I got into a massive argument with a friend and the tension between us went on for days. When you have a good and tight relationship with someone and you get into contention, it can be extreme. Fast forward to months later, I came up with this conclusion: If I had known what I know now about forgiveness and letting heavy feelings go, I would not have given myself the “luxury” or the fleeting comfort that comes with entertaining feelings of anger or an unbending viewpoint over days.
Notice my use of words “fleeting comfort”, because that’s exactly what anger, vengeance or hate provides. We hear of vengeance being referred to as ‘sweet’ at times but this could not be further from the truth of what vengeance truly is.
Those who have had to deal with issues of forgiveness and letting hard feelings go all agree that forgiveness is more for the person who is forgiving than the one being forgiven.
In my attempts to help my rational mind understand issues of forgiveness better, I have come to learn that holding grudges against someone, because they betrayed , insulted, or even worse, took the life of someone dear to you is simply giving them power over your emotions and over your life. While you keep resenting them, they keep occupying a space in your heart that they absolutely don’t deserve. The worst is already done, so why prolong the effects of their wickedness by keeping grudges?
As I began thinking about writing this article, the very first thoughts that came to mind were of movies or TV series I’ve watched in which, after a tragic event, a dispute or a murder, you see the person who’s been offended, in fury, screaming at the offender: “I hate you” or “I will never forgive you”. Isn’t this the natural human thing to do in such moments of anger?
But I’ve also seen people in similar situations, clearly grieved, but who chose to demonstrate a different reaction which is being calm and willing to forgive.
Forgiveness is a choice. If you’re asking why should I forgive?, please know that it’s for your own benefit. Until you let go of the hurt or the anger you have for the person that has hurt you, you can’t claim to be truly free. Someone or something still holds power to get your temperature to rise and your nerves tensed.
When we’re in the heat of it all, it’s common to us all to not see how we’ll go past the hurt. But rather than being quick to express unforgiveness, let your heart always be inclined to forgive no matter what. If it can’t happen right away, the disposition of your heart – which is willing to forgive, will slowly bring about forgiveness. Absolutely no hurt or disappointment is worth your health.
If you are having difficulties with regards to forgiving, or living in peace after a tragedy, we would like to chat to you more and assure you that there is a way out. God promises to give us peace that is beyond all understanding. Click on the banner below as we take this conversation further.