Every household is unique. How your home functions, is determined by your family’s preferences, personalities and your culture. Rules and ways of doing things in your home are influenced by these factors. If you do something differently to your neighbour it doesn’t make you right and them wrong, it’s about your personal choice. There is one rule however that many parents are now choosing to employ when raising their children and it’s something well worth considering for your household as well.
Ssshhhh!
Like many moms I care about what my children eat. It’s important to me that they eat well, enjoy a balanced diet and understand that too many sweets and sugary things are bad for them. I consider it part of my role as mom to limit their sugar intake until they are old enough to be responsible. So while occasional sweets are okay, there are times when we will say ‘no thank you’. Not everyone understands this and there have been occasions when I’ve said ‘no’ that someone has snuck a sneaky sweet into my children’s hands while whispering “Sshhh! Don’t tell Mommy. It’s a secret!”
In our family we don’t keep secrets. Scenarios like I’ve described really make me angry. For starters, when I’ve said ‘no’ that should be enough. It’s disrespectful for someone to disregard my wishes and encourage my children to be disobedient. Be that as it may that’s not why we chose to have a no secrets rule.
The problem is real
It’s not an easy topic to address but sexual abuse of children is a very real problem. According to a 2014 article in the International Business Times of the five countries with the highest recorded rate of child sexual abuse, two (South Africa and Zimbabwe) were in Africa. The sad truth is that on many occasions children are abused, not by a stranger, but by someone who is known to them and keeping secrets very often prolongs the abuse.
It’s for this reason we’ve decided to teach our kids that we don’t do secrets in our house. We’ve explained that there isn’t anything that they can’t tell us or talk to us about and that if someone asks them to keep a secret they need to check with mom or dad. As it turns out, my husband and I aren’t alone in this conviction. By doing a quick search online you can find numerous articles all embracing a similar approach to parenting.
Don’t be afraid
The figures surrounding sexual abuse scare me, not just as a parent but also as a human being. Children should be allowed to grow up in safe and secure environments, without the threat of abuse or attack. It’s easy to become fearful and anxious when you read how unsafe the world can be and the responsibility of protecting your child can at times feel overwhelming. My daily prayer is that where I fall short in my ability to shelter my kids from harm and equip them to face the world without me, that God would fill in the gaps and do what I can’t.