We are all almost always so judgmental where women in abusive relationships are concerned. If we are not giving lectures on why it doesn’t make sense for a 21st century woman to get abused and making them feel bad for being in the situations they are in, we are giving them “solutions” that don’t really work. But have we ever stopped to think why someone would continue living in hell when looking from the outside she could get herself out of that situation?
The traditional reasons why women would stay in a loveless marriage included doing it for the kids, wanting to give the children a stable family, because not being a Mrs … was humiliating and sometimes also because the hubby was the one who was the sole breadwinner, she wouldn’t know what to do to support herself and her children.
It also didn’t help too that most times, her family would advise her that marriages are like that. That a woman should be strong, if not for herself then for her children. So she gets scared of defying the norm. Or even if her family hasn’t said anything of the sort, she is just afraid of what they would say. She doesn’t want to be a burden to them, she feels she and her children would be too much. And if her biological parents are no more, she feels she has no real place to turn to.
But what about a well-educated woman who actually has a place of work to go to. Or a girl who isn’t even married yet? If she wanted she could leave, right? But surprisingly, she stays. Why!?! Is it because she loves him still maybe? In spite of the fact that he beats her, talks down on her, cheats on her without even trying to hide it. She still loves him? But why would she continue to love him still?
Regardless of how long the abuse has been going on, she still hopes and believes he will change. And we wonder why? But then it wasn’t always like that was it? He used to be the sweetest guy ever – good with her and the kids. She can’t put a finger on the exact day but something happened and he changed just like that. It frightens and hurts her but she hopes and believes he will change.
But how could someone who used to be madly in love with her all of a sudden be come this man she doesn’t even recognize? After so many years together. And this is not dating, this is marriage. How can she just wake up tomorrow and be back to being Miss… and go on as if her marriage life never happened?
Abuse is like being an addict I guess. Until you realize that you are in trouble and that you need help and want it, nobody can do anything to help. All we can do for our sisters is be there for them, love them and let them know that we are there for them and that if they want it, a lifeline is not an impossible feat.
It’s sad, but a lot of women have found themselves in these situations. So if you are going through this or know someone who is, be strong, know that no situation stays permanent; seek help, plan your escape real good, and know too that you have people who love you out there. Its okay to be scared, change is always frightening but be brave and be a survivor. Keep holding on to the hope that there is life after any difficult situation; there is more we would like to share with you, click on the banner below.
Source: trueafricanwoman.net