We often find ourselves asking, “Why do women stay in abusive relationships?” or “Why don’t they leave?” These types of questions – whether it’s intentional or not – actually put the blame on victims of abuse and suggest that they enjoy being abused. If they didn’t enjoy being ill-treated, they would leave, right?
No! These are common myths in our society about victims of domestic violence.
In some cases, women may seem to “want” to be beaten. For those who come from dysfunctional families – families in which they were constantly beaten and emotionally abused as children – the only thing they ever knew was abuse in their homes and that results in an expectation of frequent incidents of violence. For such women, the anxiety of waiting for the next outburst of violence is often more stressful and agonizing than the violence itself. They hate not knowing when next they will be hit, kicked, punched, burned, bitten, or stabbed, and they would rather “get it over with” than not know when they will next be abused.
Different women stay in abusive relationships for different reasons. Often if her abuser is supporting her financially; she is scared of leaving as she doesn’t know where her next meal will come from. Added to this, leaving can lead to additional hardships. Leaving could also mean living in fear of being stalked, losing custody of children and, worst case scenario, being murdered by her spouse, which is common these days.
Some women also stay in abusive relationships with the hope that the partner will change. Often these women make excuses for the abuser, “he will change”, “he’s a nice man, I just pushed him to the limit”, “but he loves me”. These women BELIEVE that the abuser does all this because they love them, and see nothing wrong with being hit, kicked, punched, burned, stabbed, sexually assaulted or even being verbally and emotional abused.
Abused women do feel isolated, ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated. We should never take lightly just how difficult and terrifying it is to leave. Whether it’s for financial reasons, out of concern for a child or because a sense of a vow of loyalty like in the video below, it’s not easy at all. If you have any thoughts about why women stay in abusive relationships, we would love to hear from you.